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the answer really depends on the person's expectation from the marriage. if the expectation will be a life-long bond between husband and wife then the answer is NO. however, if the expectation is short-term affair without too many commitment then such an alliance should not be even be considered as marriage.

 

personally, i'd go for getting married than living in first. aside from it is morally wrong especially here in our country, i'd say that commitment is the most important thing in the relationship. when you aren't ready to make the marriage commitment, then you aren't ready to live together either. it's all about maturity.

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 To getting married is easy to decided when the couples were in love but for me I would be say "YES" to live in together first before getting married, because we need to be practical now. We must know that we lived in conservative country and we value marriage but we also know that there is no DIVORCED in our country so we need to think first to make a decision when it comes to marriage. I may not say that I don't want to be committed seriously in life but for me I should go to live in together first before getting married because when couples live in together they must started to getting  know each other more. And it helps for both of them on how to accept their good and bad sides or attitudes, like on how to resolve some problems and trials that they may be encounter sooner or later.

  And after a years, if the couples are still live in together and proven that their relationships is still going strong until the end in despite for everything that happened and every trials that they encountered in the past years so I guess that's the time for them to face and turn their relationships into seriously, settled everything to get married.

living together to check out first the compatibility sounds rational. but in reality, does it really helps? does it really make the marriage stronger?.. because for me there are no such thing as NO CHOICE. of course we always have a choice to make the relationship work even if the two person are completely incompatible. and besides, you can always get to know more of your partner even if you two are not living together..
In my case, yes. I lived with my husband for more than a year before we decided to get married. We still go through rough times once in a while but living together and knowing each other well first really helped us build a strong and happy relationship.

good for you! :)  

 

but,im sure living together first is not a predictor of whether the marriage will last. its all about the effort we put to make the commitment last since as we all know, marriage is an ongoing, evolving relationship that changes as you two both change.

i have a hypothetical question for you though....what if you have a husband and he's really bad...the worst husband there is...he's a drunk...a womanizer...a control freak...who gamble away the roof you were living in......who beats you and your children....would you still want to know him better after you two separated?  ok, how about, he just left you for another woman, would you still want to know him better? I doubt it! hehehehe :)

 

Friends can be lovers but lovers to friends? never!

partly i agree with you and partly i don't.  First, because not all married couples who decided to get married first got a successful marriage, most of them failed no matter how hard they tried.  Most, men don't show their real attitude unless you live with them.  Your prince charming now might be the prince of darkness once you're already together, you don't even have an idea what's their definition of the word commitment much more responsibility or how much of them they are willing to commit or how much responsibility are they ready to take. There are men who cheats, beat their wives, ignore their wives or make them some sort of a doormat (where their husband just step in and out of their house without even uttering a single word to their wives)...and yet you'll see them having fun with their friends...kind of sad...but it's true.  Second, let's talk about morality....i don't think you can count at least five out of ten men you know who has a strong moral fiber.  Okay, let's not single out men...there are also women who cheats, why? because they are not happy, because they are not content, because they are not satisfied..same reason as men, like it or not it's true. The ratio of finding your true love in this lifetime is one to one billion depends on the population of this planet.  In conclusion, I'll be opting for living in together, it's not just about the commitment it's testing the hot water before you plunge in, it's trying and if it's not for you, you can easily get out, if you are not getting what you deserve in a relationship and if you are not treated the way you want to be treated then you still have a choice...swim or drown....take your pick!  It's like stepping into something with your eyes wide open and with your wits intact.  Living in together is much better than get married first then cheat on your spouse when you're already both in hell....or one of you decided to stop and change, which sin is much bigger? I don't recall any passage in the 10 commandments about living in but there's "thou shall not commit adultery"...whichever it is ...in your mind or in your heart...you are still a sinner if you love someone other then your husband or wife. :)

hi! :)

as i was reading your comment, i was like, "hmm, this got me thinking huh.." but since you mentioned about morality, i just wanna quote a bible verse. 1 Corinthians 7:2 "But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband"

and i guess you'd say we're all human, we make mistakes, we are not perfect. yes, me too, im no perfect but morality is in you.  you should have atleast a principle that'll govern or rule  your behavior. i know we no longer live in the B.C years(hehe) but i still choose to follow the norms and what i think is moral since i was brought up as a Catholic. 

as i have said also, it really depends on the person's expectation from marriage. if you really think that marriage is all like life sentences, you're probably NOT yet ready for a commitment because marriage is a great thing, if you are both READY for it.if you are both willing to get hurt, if you are both willing to solve all types of problems, if you are both matured enough to face the challenges, to think of a bigger picture, to have an open communication and if you are matured enough to keep your harmonious relationship going. 

hello! :)

 

i think you beat me on bible verses because I know not too many. Ooops! will I be hanged upside down or burn in the stake or stoned to death? hahahaha!

 

I also agree with you when you said a person has got to have a principle to govern his/her behavior...quite right...socially and morally it's correct ...but as you also put it....

 

it really depends on the person's expectation from marriage. if you really think that marriage is all like life sentences, you're probably NOT yet ready for a commitment because marriage is a great thing, if you are both READY for it.if you are both willing to get hurt, if you are both willing to solve all types of problems, if you are both matured enough to face the challenges, to think of a bigger picture, to have an open communication and if you are matured enough to keep your harmonious relationship going.  

 

Not all married couple has an open communication....not all people can change to make their family life happy because if what all you said is the case...then there wouldn't be broken families...no couples will separate...and children will grow up with their family intact....we are not in the BC but these are the problems of our society and the problem of the society is a problem to the country. Your question is about "should couples live in first before getting married"   and I am for "living in first" not because I don't have any morality, it's just because when you are just living in...both couple with exert more effort to the relationship...will try to communicate...face the challenges together and solve problems...it's like planting a seed....because both of them or one of them is dreaming of walking down that isle.  If you plant a good seed on a good tilled earth...you'll reap what you sow but if you plant your seed on a dry land...you will reap bad crop or you will never reap anything at all.  Now, it's just got me thinking also...when you are just living in together and you are not receiving even half of what you deserve, you have a choice to continue or stop.  When you are already married, you don't have a choice anymore and if you are not lucky enough you will have children who will suffer because both of you can not understand each other or both of you can not compromise or will not compromise...maybe that's because you don't really know the person you married...because if you "know" him/her you wouldn't want to marry that person...knowing you'll have a very unhappy future with him/her.  Separation and adultery is everywhere you'll see it in the upper class and it's very rampant in the lower class.   

 

Blessed are those who marry first and find it rewarding and a blessing from above...sorry to those who got the opposite of the latter.  Marriage is a very big decision, once you said " i do" you can not turn back and the fate of your will-be-children will lie in your hands.  I know lots of women who are not happy with their marriages....a martyr....they want out but they can not because they got children to think of.  They are too concerned with their pain but they didn't know that their pain is also their children's pain, psychologically and emotionally they are still affected.  Oh, and they tried to make their marriage work...but they failed...and they failed big time! maybe because the man is NOT READY..maybe if they knew their partner is not ready they wouldn't get married at all....but it's too late...they run out of choice....no more turning back.

 

I hope you won't get mad or upset...it's just for the sake of discussion...I for one, am a happily married woman...and i wasn't promiscuous hehehehehe....i only had one bf ( didn't live with him) in this life time...and the second one I married.  I consider myself super blessed....because there's nothing we can talk about...we give and take...we take good care of each other...we support each other....and we love each other...even if we're both in our worst...we can still talk it out...and we had been through a lot together...and the difficult times made us stronger.  Even if he is impossible i still love him....and even if I am difficult...he still wants to marry me in every church........hehehe...top that! 

 

it was nice exchanging opinion with you...it's just that...i am saddened to the fact that not all woman can be as happy as i am...and i really wish they could...and i am praying to God that one day they'll find their marriage a blessing.....if not in this lifetime..maybe the next. :)

 

 

as i was saying, it is case to case basis. it depends on the couple's maturity because marriage is a commitment, and commitment means taking risks. if you two are both willing to take risks, and u two are bot aware that relationships has its own ups and downs, problems in the near future will be more easier for you to handle.   but most couples today give in too easily to whatever is convenient rather than waiting to develop respect and moral bonds towards each other. thats why most people think it(live in) is the best way to prevent such things as divorce when things didnt go on their way. in fact, ive read that there are statistics showed that the rate of divorce between couples who lived together before marriage are higher than those who didnt live together before.

living together doesnt really guarantee marriage. it only lessens the quality of marriage. what if you and your partner decided to live in, then after having kids your partner realized he no longer wants to live with you. do you think what is the effect of that in your children? the difference is, when you are already married, you can still make bend and learn to live with each other. if you're not, there is no commitment to learn to compromise with each other.he can easily leave you whenever he likes because there is no commitment, you are not married. 

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hey, good thing you feel blessed, not everyone can get that feeling. hehe. thats exactly what im saying, when you both have that whole understanding about marriage/commitment you can handle all those situations in a positive way.. it always takes work to make any relationship successful but if the dedication and commitment are there then love, indeed, will prevail. hehehe. keep it up! :) 

 

should live together before their marriage that is the personal decision of a couple, because some couples think living together before marriage can help to prepare for their future because they can learn about each other's habits and lifestyle and get used to living together. 
I think there's nothing wrong with living together before getting married.  This way you're able to know each other better.  It's hard to get stucked with a bad person.  And if I say bad, means to the point of you will almost die. May not inflict you physical pain but emotional pain is worst.

Always depends on people's beliefs, choices, etc. If they think it will be better to know each other first, then okay live-in together. But if they do think they have to get married first for sacred reasons, then okay. Should let them decide for themselves. :))

 

But personally, I'd prefer getting married first before living in with my partner. I am one of the old school peeps who doesn't like rushing things just because it's cool; or that's what everybody does. :))

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